Words, and the way that they are used, have a tremendous impact on children. It is often the volume, the tone of voice, and the rate of speech that children use to decide whether or not they will respond. Parents can teach themselves to speak in ways that are respectful to children and are, at the same time, very effective in communicating positively to the child and having the child respond accordingly.

Non-Helpful Ways We Talk to Children

The following list is from "How to Talk so Kids will Listen and Listen so Kids will Talk" by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish. Highly recommended reading.

Blaming and Accusing

"Why do you always do that? What's the matter with you anyway? Can't you ever do anything right?"

Name Calling

"How dumb can you get? Boy, that's really a stupid thing to do! The way you eat is disgusting! Your room is so filthy; you live like an animal!"

Threats

"If you do that again, you're going to get it! Come right now or I'm going to leave you behind!"

Martyrdom Statements

"Will you stop that; what are you trying to do, make me sick? When you're a mom, then you'll know how hard it is. You're putting me in my grave!"

Comparison

"Why can't you be more like your brother? Alex has such nice manners. He wouldn't eat like a pig!"

Sarcasm

As you read this list, how do you feel? Can you hear yourself in some of the words? There would not be many parents who would not be guilty of speaking in this way to their children from time to time. Don't be too hard on yourself. Resolve to improve your way of speaking to children. One suggestion is to check yourself to be sure that you are speaking at least as politely as you would speak to a stranger or a friend. Then, when you are sure that you are at that level, resolve to speak in loving ways. Remember, the way that you speak to your children is likely the way that they will speak to their children.

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Reproduced with permission from Calgary Rocky View Child and Family Services