Repairing Mistakes
Teach them that mistakes are not 'bad', but they are essential to learning; teach them to repair their mistakes; share your own mistakes with the child.
Acknowledge Improvement
Look for and verbally acknowledge even the smallest improvement. This technique is called 'shaping', and is particularly effective for modifying ingrained behaviours. Use words which convey to the child that they have it in their power to take care of their problem, and not that they must do what you decide.
Avoid Pity
Feeling sorry for the child will only encourage them to feel sorry for themselves. Teach courage, show empathy, not sympathy.
Avoid Comparisons
Accept each child for who they are and respect individual differences. Stimulating competition between children does not encourage, instead it emphasizes the hopelessness of the situation to the discouraged child, while creating apprehension in the successful child that they may not be able to stay ahead.
Avoid using Competition
Teach the value of 'doing' rather than 'out-doing'. Help the child experience how much can be learned by working as a team.
Help the Child Feel Valuable
Ask for their advice; have them teach you something; show them ways that they can be valuable to other people.
Share Time with the Child
Plan activities that provide one-to-one focus on the child. Catch them being "good" and enjoy them when they are not misbehaving.
Give Unconditional Love
Assure the child that you love them no matter what they do or don't do. Make it clear that you do not require perfection in order to give love.
Help the Child be Responsible for their own Encouragement
Teach them that it is their responsibility to keep themselves encouraged. When something makes them feel bad, teach them to say, "No matter what you think of me, I am a worthwhile person". Help them to change their negative words about themselves to positive statements.
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Reproduced with permission from Calgary Rocky View Child and Family Services
